When my mother in law tells me clothes that are a size too big for me look too small

nextlol:

Mom asks son to clean bathroom
http://nextlol.tumblr.com/

accidentology:

why is my brother so obsessed with making guacamole 

niggawitdreadz:

niggawitdreadz:

niggawitdreadz:

i have a pair of glasses that can make me turn from hood nigga to caring father.

from

give me ya money lil nigga

to

son just talk to me, i’m here to listen

Almost 49k and my roommate and I are basking in my tumblr fame

rosethourne:

bubblegumcalliope:

thischick25:

cosmicbreadcrum:

Queued   ^^

::stares::

::just… stares::

whoa

Not usually much for nail polish but holy shit this is cool, how do I do that?!

electrifying-configurations:

teenytigress:

SO THIS GUY IN MY ENGLISH IS DOING A PROJECT FOR BIO WHERE HE GETS A DUCKLING TO IMPRINT ON HIM SO HE JUST CARRIES IT AROUND WITH HIM TO ALL OF HIS CLASSES AND I SWEAR THIS DUCK IS THE MOST WELL BEHAVED FUCKING POULTRY IVE EVER SEEN IT JUST SITS ON HIS DESK QUIETLY AND SOMETIMES HE PUTS IT IN HIS POCKET AND IT JUST SLEEPS LIKE WOW YOU GO DUCKY

LIZ

LIIIIIZZZ

WE NEED TO CONVINCE MRS AUSTIN INTO LETTING US DO THIS NEXT YEAR

WE NEED TO

sherlockedbyphaninthetardis:

davedirk:

davedirk:

lauraforgood:

m33wlin:

WE WERE WATCHING THIS MOVIE IN GYM AND THE MAIN CHARACTER WAS LIKE “I’M TIRED AND HUNGRY AND HORNY” AND ME AT THIS OTHER CUTE GUY IN THE BACK JUST BOTH GO “SAME” AND LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND I WINKED AND EVERYONE WAS SO UNCOMFORTABLE BUT I WAS LAUGHING REALLY HARD AND THIS IS WHY I DONT HAVE FRIENDS

can we have a tumblr marriage for you guys?

seems legit

woops

IM ACTUALLY CRYING 

botoxheart:

pleatedjeans:

Six seconds well spent.

It was. It was.

of-ambivalence:

aphoticamy:

consulting-meerkat:

iheartkissingboys:

Pro-Gay religious counter-protesters at Atlanta Pride.

IT IS AGAINST MY RELIGION TO HATE.

PUT THAT ON A SHIRT.

Christianity: doing it correctly

Real Christians are legitimately good people. 

runwhenisayrunfightwhenisayfight:

ahorsecalledhonour:

fixthefisherking:

banjaxed:

nightlifemingus:

nosdrinker:

hypnotiqradiance:

If you don’t get this reference, you’re too young for tumblr.

are you fucking kidding me pixar puts out a movie ever year a baby would get this reference

it’s not pixar it’s a reference to that time in 1994 when lamps became sentient humanoids

many were lost that day

It was a grim day for mankind. My parents took refuge in a cave and thus saved us from certain death; we lived close to a lamp factory at the time and the surrounding region was utterly devastated in the conflict.

My brother fought one off using only an egg whisk and a pogo stick.

Only 90s kids remember the Lampocalypse

My father still has the scars from where one stole his kidney

agreatfearofshallowliving:

moonchild1636:

Man this is pretty much what I’m like and my boyfriends like “WHY YOU LIE TO ME?!?!?!?!? GGREadgfouiqwto;yurepuh”

This is so cute